Dear July,
The deepest part of the ocean isn't meant to be scary.
My mom and I went to a lot of yard sales growing up. I'm talking every weekend. Two, three yard sales, for hours at a time.
Maybe this is part of why I do what I do today. I look for pretty things everywhere.
Granted, it's mostly at thrift stores or estate sales, but I also look for pretty things in the mundane parts of life.
I promise there's a story here. Just stick with me.
When I was 10 or 11 years old, my mom and I were at a usual yard sale. This was a huge one, and Ms. Mary ran it.
While my mom was chatting, I was dumpster diving through all of the knick-knacks a yard sale has to offer. In my diving, I stumbled upon a wetsuit.
It was probably five times too big for me, and definitely made for a man.
But I still pulled it out, took it to my mom, and asked her for it anyway.
She said no, for obvious reasons. So I settled for a dolphin stuffed animal instead.
But that wetsuit ignited something in me that, to this day, I still hold onto.
It reminded me of a new dream.
I need to dive.
I need to be in open water.
And I need to find a way to become a mermaid.
I've always had this deep fascination with the ocean. I don't know if it's because I'm a Cancer born in July, or if I watched The Little Mermaid one too many times, or if spending time in the bathtub practicing my breath holds took away one too many brain cells from oxygen loss.
But Cariño, if I've learned one thing, it's that these dreams, these fascinations, these deeply ingrained hopes that linger for a moment, or in this case, for years, stay for a reason.
I finally got a wetsuit that fit me my junior year of college.
I decided to take an SSI Scuba Diving class because I was studying abroad in Australia that summer, and there was NOTHING and NO ONE that was going to stop me from living out the remembered dream I had of scuba diving the Great Barrier Reef.
When I took that course, I felt like me again.
Something awakened in me that I had lost somewhere between being 10 years old and 20.
Sure, it could have been an ex who was afraid of the ocean depths. It could have been the trauma I endured in my adolescence. It could have been losing who I was somewhere along the way because of my people-pleasing tendencies.
There are so many reasons we walk away from our dreams.
The deepest parts of the ocean remind us of the deepest parts of ourselves.
And that can be a truly terrifying thing.
Today feels like a full-circle moment, though.
Because I just signed up for my very first SSI Freediving class.
And I have never felt more alive.
I am so proud of me.
Little Chalise, teenage Chalise, college Chalise, she is so proud of the woman I am today.
And even more proud that she continues to chase her dreams.
Maybe some dreams aren't meant to be left behind.
Maybe some of them are simply waiting for us to find our way back.
Cariño, I hope you choose something that you've always dreamed of.
And just go for it.
Dive a little deeper.
You might be surprised by what you find down there.
con amor,
Chalise
P.S. The featured photographs were captured by an incredibly talented photographer with Passions of Paradise, the company I dove with while studying abroad in Australia. These photos were taken on the day of my dive back in June 2018, and somehow, all these years later, they still feel like a little piece of that dream coming true.
0 comments